Disappointed with Life and God?

If you have never been disappointed with life and God then lucky you, but the honest truth I think the majority of us, at one point or another, has felt this sinking disappointment. We humans are caught between temporary and eternal. Our hearts long for the eternal blissful conditions of heaven yet, we find ourselves living this life on earth that can be at times anything but blissful, and all too temporary. Therefore, if we are not careful the disappointment that this life sometimes brings will lead to an uglier disappointment with God.

Never have I felt as let down as I did that night. That night I was online watching the School Board meeting stream live. Sound exciting? Well it was to me because I just recently applied for the position of Assistant Principal and I was told that in this meeting the Superintendent was going to announce the assignments of new principals. This was good news because it would tell me where some possible openings might be for my job. After all the principal announcements were made the Super. immediately went into announcing new assistant principals. As the names were being announced my heart sank deeper and deeper. I was told they were not making those decisions until June and this was May. The hurt, anger, and confusion came quickly. "Does this mean I didn't get the job? Why did no one speak to me first? I can't believe this! Did I waste all my time, energy, and money trying to become an assistant principal!? God I thought this is what you wanted me to do?" I think you get the picture.

Over the next couple of days I was miserable to to be around. My wife whom I have known for 12 years said she has never seen me like this before. Around day three or four I was called in to speak with an Executive Director who confirmed they passed over me for the job. I fought hard against it but it didn't change a thing. The disappointment set in. This was the second year in a row I had been hand selected out of many to interview only to be told, "We like you, but not that much yet." There is a lot more back story that made this even more gut wrenching for me but I don't want to bore you will all the details. Hopefully you get the picture of how I was feeling, because I want to get to the point of this post. Looking back God allowed me to go through this painful situation to reveal what was in my heart so He could lovingly and graciously heal me like only He can.

The night of the bad news before going to bed I gathered myself enough to read a quick devotion by Joyce Meyer called The Battlefield of the Mind. I accidentally turned to the particular one that was titled "Not Getting What You Want". I began to read it hoping it would make me feel better but after I read it I only felt more disappointed because I thought it was God's way of confirming that I didn't get the job. In a way it was but it was much more than that. It was a gift.

About two weeks passed since the night I read that devotion, and I had finally accepted the fact that I was just going to be a teacher again. My church asked me to lead a men's Bible study and as I was thinking and praying about what to teach on my mind went back to the devotion. It was like God was telling me, "Don't just look at the Easter egg but open it!" So open up the egg I did, and out came a wonderful gift of revelation and understanding that brought immense healing.

Summarizing the devotion I boiled it down to four basic points that greatly determine how well we deal with life and disappointment. These points act as a gateway to let in trust or disappointment towards God. Here are the points and the probing questions/remedies that I assigned to each. (To you these may sound so simple and "churchy" but put yourself in a position of wanting something so badly you can taste it and truthfully consider these.)

1. Expectations- Do I always expect things to go my way, and does anger follow when that does not occur? If so then your expectations are skewed and non-biblical. It is not biblical to always get your way because that is a constant attempt elevate yourself above others and God.    
2. Patience- Am I desperate for something other than God, and do I overly self-promote? If so then you have a lack of patience. The Bible has called us to have hope and endurance, and to serve others not ourselves. God should be our only desperation because when all is stripped away without Him we are nothing!
3. Character- Am I often complaining or am I fearful? Do I battle feelings of being trapped? If so then you are suffering from ungodly character. We are to have the character of Christ and our identity/joy needs to be found in eternal things not in our jobs or our current circumstances. 
4. Humility- Do I have a prideful sense of entitlement and wrestle with arrogant thought patterns? - "I should be first. I am better than everyone. I should have won. I should have gotten that." If so then you are lacking humility and you are not submitted to God's will for your life or for the life of others. 

During my struggle I could have answered yes to every question above. I especially felt trapped. Trapped at my present level. God could not promote me because my heart was not in the right condition to be promoted, and He is more concerned about my eternal state of being than my current pay check. He gave me this heart check gift that will stick with me the rest of my life. I had no hope of being promoted and God pulled me under His arm and told me, "It is okay- here is why..." He gave me the understanding to be content at my present level or even below my present level. Then as a gift of grace (a blessing that is undeserved) my God promoted me. A different school system hired me as an assistant principal, one that I would have never expected. My school is one of the most beautiful schools I have ever seen, it is in one of the nicest communities available, I love the people I work with, and I can better take care of my family financially. But could I have been content if all this didn't happen. I can honestly answer yes. Is your heart in the right condition to be promoted? 

Feeling Lost?

I grew up in a little town called Pulaski. This town is located in Southwest Virginia along the Blue Ridge Mountain line. Forestation was plenty, and as a young man it fed my adventuresome heart. At most times, I was at ease working my way through the deep woods with my brothers or buddies. We grew accustom to it.    We grew even more than accustom to it, we began to own the woods. We made some unbelievable forts/hideouts. However, in the deepest of forests, or in a territory I have yet roamed, at times a fear or panic would creep in on me, and rest over me like a blanket. Thoughts of being lost and not being able to find my way out became very real. The truth is I was not lost but rather I was more uncomfortable. After I would settle down and work my way past the panic I would immediately remember from where I came, or work out a plan how to get out.

You see, God gives us our emotions to aid us in our life journey. Had I not had those feelings out in the forest it is a very real chance that I could have wandered too far and got myself into a dangerous position. The same goes for our spiritual journey. God will give us an emotion to get our attention, to woo our heart back to His, or to warn us of coming danger. What separates the mature Christian from the immature Christian is an understanding of these feelings. The mature Christian takes these feelings to God and does not  let the emotion take over and become reality. The immature Christian labels themselves based on these emotions and it then becomes their reality. Their heart convinces them, "I am lost!" This only perpetuates the problem and without an intervention the immature Christian indeed becomes lost. I have seen this sad story play out in front of me with people I have known.

Just like any relationship, our relationship with our Heavenly Father has an ebb and flow with some extreme highs, some lows, and some spots right in between. Now that I have a fairly mature relationship with Christ I cannot remember the last real low I have had with God, but currently I am in that in between spot. It is here that my emotions are triggered and the feelings of being spiritually lost began to awaken. However, I am recognizing that God is only tugging at my heart and reminding me to come back to intimacy with Him. I have had this entire week off of work and have been running around non-stop. This did not displease God, in fact it made Him smile to see how active and alive I was, but He knows, as well as I do, that some quality time together is in order. Sometimes God puts us at a low or at an in between spot out of His love and mercy to get our attention. So the next time you feel unsettled or lost remember it is Christ wooing your heart back to His. A scripture I always store in the recesses of my heart is, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Deut. 31:6, Hebrews 13:5) It is impossible to get lost with God as long as we truly return our heart back to Him. Suddenly, I don't feel so lost anymore.    

You Call Yourself a Husband?

If you call yourself a husband, then you better be prepared to call yourself a leader as well. Recently, my wife, Jessica Ashworth, wrote a blog (www.lifemarriagekidsandgod.blogspot.com) on the wife's role regarding submission to the husband. Admittedly, she struggles with this concept, as most women do. In fact, it is part of the curse given to women in the garden once sin was first introduced to mankind. Genesis 3:16 states, "And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." (Before I lose all my women here reading this post please continue to read. God does not want your husband to rule over you!) Submit? Rule? Those are some pretty hard words to swallow. I get it, and if the Bible told me that my wife would rule over me and that I must submit to her I would grapple with that idea as well. To worsen the problem, our culture is filled with feministic ideas that preach women's individualism and power. Women have fought for a greater voice and position. While much of this effort has been good, and just, some women have lost the sense of balance and seemingly desire for all manly influence or leadership to be done away with.

As I cannot nearly describe all the beauty and complexities of marriage and God's word, particularly in a short post, let me try to paint a beautiful picture for you. One thing that my father has taught me about God that I have found to be true time and time again is that He is a God of balance. For every negative there is a positive. For every demand there is a reward. For every night there is a day. You get the picture. Marriage, and the roles of the woman and the man, work just the same. First, to set the record straight, God never desired man to rule over the woman. God created woman to be an equal counterpart/helper/guide. This curse was a result of the man and woman sinning against God. Furthermore, God (Jesus) came to this earth in the flesh and died for our sins to remove the curse we brought upon ourselves. Once the cursed was removed a new command was given regarding the interaction between man and woman. We find this command in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 24 and 25. It states, "As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

No longer is the woman told that she will be ruled over but rather, that she is to submit. Submission is a willing action where being ruled over is not. You may be asking at this point, "Why would the woman willingly submit to her husband?" The answer lies in the command given to the husband. Husbands are to love like Christ loved the church. What does this really mean? That at all times, as my father-in-law would say- period dot, men are to have the best interest in mind for their wives with a servant-hood attitude and be ready to give their lives for their protection/good in an instance. Do you see the beauty in this? The complete balance? Women are called to submit, but they are submitting to someone who in turn ought to be trying to serve the one who is submitting to them. Is this  not a picture of love and balance? While men are called to lead, it is only to lead in love. It should be a joy and a ease for the woman to submit to her man because her man loves her with a fierce Christ like serving type of love. The problem occurs when our sin nature gets in the way and we revert back to the structure where women try to control and men try to rule. There is no balance in this only chaos, heartbreak, and divorce.

To all my men out there. Man up, and be a real leader! Lead in love and in serving. I am so sick and tired of the television portraying men to be either weak sissy boys or perverted macho thugs. I want to show this world and my wife what a real man should look like!! I am still a young man, and have only been married for five years now, and I realize that I still have lots to learn on the topic but I am asking you all, men and women, to join my wife and I in this pursuit.